Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Turbo Spaz

While I commend anyone who can feel the fun along with the burn, I think when you’re a fitness INSTRUCTOR, you should maybe care as much about your “students’” workout as your own. And lately, I’ve been a little disappointed with the classes at my YMCA.

Now, I realize the whole idea of cardio kickbox aerobics is a little ridiculous. [Insert name of professional kickboxer here] would probably be horrified to see a group of bouncing Midwestern gals jab-cross-jabbing in front of mirrored walls. But I personally feel that a normal cardio kickbox class releases the perfect combination of aggression and dance fever. I went to one of these classes at my gym in college, and I was delighted to see multiple variations on the fitness schedule when I started going to the Y by my new apartment.

Express Cardio Kickbox class – fabulous; what they call “Turbo Kick” – bad idea. The uber-enthusiasm of the instructors, their spastic combinations and my sporadic attendance create a perfect storm of awkwardness. Apparently it’s more “dancey” than regular cardio kickbox classes... the Y’s description ends with “some coordination is ‘helpful.’” Are those quotation marks mocking me?? I thought I was a coordinated person... back in the day I could do all kindsa crazy tricks on the balance beam (remember folks, that beam is just four inches wide!).

But in this arena I am very challenged... and the instructors do not help. They are having so much freaking fun that I don’t believe they give a hoot if we get their crazy “routines.” I use quotations because I don’t believe these instructors have prepared actual routines. I used to turn Tori Amos and Rusted Root up really loud and randomly stomp/dance around my mom's living room, becoming one with the music – what those instructors are doing up there reminds me of that. With more punching and kicking. Sometimes they yell out incoherent instructions a few regulars appear to understand.

To make matters worse, Google tells me “Turbo Kick” is apparently a whole fitness movement. Everyone sure does look like they’re having a good time... well, to anyone considering trying it out, I recommend practicing in the privacy of your own home first.


Stephanie Faris said...

Turbo Kick... I'd never heard of it. I remember when Body Pump was huge, my friends were obsessed with it. Then gyms started dropping it because it was too expensive to pay all the licensing fees. They replaced it with a cheap imitation where the instructors brought in their own music rather than using the official Body Pump music. I'm going to look into this Turbo Kick thing since my manuscript is completely set in the world of fitness facilities.

FictionGroupie said...

I feel your pain. Fitness classes are not my strength. I was an athlete when I was younger, so I thought I was coordinated as well. Ha. Not so much. With those dreaded mirrors and overenthusiastic instructors, it's a wonder anyone can keep up and not look like an idiot.

The Singlutionary said...

I do everything in the privacy of my home before taking it out on the street. But if you've got Phoebe for your fitness instructor, you might burn calories just laughing.

Zip said...

You know what bugs me a bit, overweight aerobics instructors. Yeah- I'm taking workout advice from you? I'm sure that's totally unpc but whatever. If someone is teaching me how to stay in shape I want them to BE IN SHAPE.

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