What. A. Tool.

Ohmygoodness could The Bachelor “finale” have been any more ridiculous? First of all, it was THREE HOURS LONG. And now apparently there’s a Part 2 of the “After the Final Rose” segment on tonight… 24 hours after the after the final rose… Has Jason changed his mind again already? I can’t wait to find out. And cringe while he cries some more.

In its thirteenth season, The Bachelor pulled out all the stops to keep viewers interested. First ABC relentlessly advertised the return of DeAnna (Bachelorette who rejected Jason, giving him the opportunity to exploit his broken heart to have his pick of a new crop). After making it seem like she would ruin the romance of the overnight dates a few weeks ago, she finally made her lackluster appearance last night. Previews showed DeAnna admitting she made the wrong choice, then cut to Jason crying dramatically—as opposed to creepily, like most of his emotional scenes. After sitting through the long-winded show, however, viewers learned that Jason was actually crying after he rejected Molly (before proposing to Melissa). In contrast, the scene with DeAnna couldn’t have been less emotional. I think I saw the cue cards reflected in her pupils as she was asking Jason for a second chance. Jason did look genuinely surprised, but he obviously wasn’t interested in this frumpy version of his former "love" when he had two girls who are clearly out of his league vying for his BS proposal. Well played, ABC.

Misleading previews are something I’ve come to expect from reality show promotions, but Chris Harrison’s weird PSAs were something new…during every commercial break he informed viewers that, “Due to the dramatic nature of tonight’s show and out of respect for the parties involved, taping was kept as intimate as possible,” or something like that. Despite the obvious annoyance of my viewing buddies (didn’t have to bribe/beg/even ask my boyfriend AND his roommate to watch), I felt the need to exclaim my befuddlement each and every time Chris appeared on the screen. “WHAT is he talking about???” For two hours the show looked completely normal. Finally in the opening of the third hour, we found out that Chris simply meant there would be no studio audience for the “After the Final Rose” segment. Uh, okay. I didn’t even remember there was usually an audience. Not so well played, ABC.

Anyway, we accidentally saw Jason and Molly sitting together before we started the third hour (thanks to subpar DVR utilization), so the “drama” of Jason ditching his final choice and asking the reject for sloppy seconds was kind of ruined. But damn, Melissa was smokin’—could not think of a better dress to get dumped in on national television. I’ve been rooting for her (well, since Jillian got booted), so I was sad to see her lose, but Jason’s a tool, so she really wins in the end—and she’ll have more fun partying with show alumni than Molly will being lame with Jason in her polos and golf shorts.

But then again, the finale marches on tonight. Who knows what will happen… maybe DeAnna will come back and reveal she’s pregnant with Jason’s baby. Or maybe we’ll get to meet Ty's mom! Probably not though—if she loved the camera as much as her ex, she would have popped up somewhere by now. More likely nothing too exciting will happen, but there’s sure to be a lot of recaps, looks back, montages and highlights, i.e. repackaged content. Oh ABC, you’re not fooling anyone…but I love you anyway... definitely keeping you on file in case I ever change my mind about Bravo.