Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Business time

Do real-life women actually lounge around in men's dress shirts? And if so, is it actually sexy? I have to admit I've never tried it, but I do own a couple sets of flannel button-down pajamas, and my husband is not so much a fan of those.

On TV women are always sashaying out of the bedroom with smug looks on their faces, like they just KNOW how adorably sexy they look. This is the first red flag for me. It's been my personal experience that whenever I think I look adorably sexy, I actually look atrocious. This is why I now avoid bar bathroom mirrors at all costs.

My second issue is that business casual garb does not put me in a sexy mood. Quite the opposite, it puts me in a depressive mood, as it conjures up visions of TPS reports and lines of drones waiting to heat up smelly Lean Cuisines in the communal microwave. If pocket protectors and security badges aren't considered sexy, I don't understand why the shirts that hold them are.

Perhaps before this look became a cliche, it was sexy because it wasn't sexy. But at this point it somehow comes across as both lazy and trying too hard... If you're looking to switch it up, I suggest a birthday suit and business socks.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The scratch 'n roll snore stopping marriage saver

Instead of counting sheep last night while my husband snored away, I counted the ways I've failed at trying to get him to stop.
  1. Plugging his nose
    He woke up angrily and thought I was trying to kill him.
  2. Shoving him and yelling, "Stop snoring!"
    He woke up angrily and thought I was abusing him.
  3. Cooing softly, "You're snoring. Can you please turn over on your side?"
    He woke up with a huff and claimed he hadn't even been asleep. (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?)
  4. Tossing and turning violently in an angry attempt to wake him up "accidentally"
    He continued to sleep/snore obliviously.
  5. Wearing ear plugs
    He continued to snore, and I continued to hear it, although with the added irritation of uncomfortable pieces of foam in my ears.
  6. Suggesting he participate in a sleep study
    No. 
Then I remembered Ross' hug 'n roll, and I decided to put a spin on it and give it a try. Under the guise of scratching my husband's back, I rolled him on his side, and he... sighed appreciatively! He stopped snoring, stayed sleeping, and I joined him... a few hours later. I guess I can't blame him for all my problems. 
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