5 things you should know before auditioning for the Bachelor

Thanks to the power of Tivo and the Bachelor double feature this week, I watched four hours of heartbreaks and breakdowns, sans commercial breaks (so... actually it was about 45 minutes) last night. So I'm feeling pretty qualified to consult prospective bachelorettes. Obviously this service is needed because, although many of these women openly talk about having watched the show, they appear to be blindsided by everything they encounter on their "journeys," even though the only thing  that has changed from season to season is the number of rose ceremonies survived by minorities.

So before you try to find love in a hopeless place, please take the following into account:

• You will be dating a guy who has a number of other girlfriends.
• You will be living in a house with said girlfriends.
• If you tattle on one of these girlfriends for being "two-faced" or "fake," you will go home shortly after that conversation.
• There is a 90 percent chance you will have to face your fear of heights and a 10 percent chance you will have to face your fear of sharks.
• You do not hate drama. Stop saying that! You would not even be considering putting your demented love life on blast if you didn't love drama.

Photo credit: http://www.eonline.com/news/381898/the-bachelor-sneak-peek-watch-tierra-threaten-to-leave-but-is-it-all-an-act