How did I miss boobquake??

It has come to my attention that yesterday was boobquake day. Ironically, it was the one day I was actually modestly dressed, in a button-down shirt and vest, of all things.

Apparently the boobquake rally stemmed from Blag Hag's reaction to a comment by Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, a senior Iranian cleric:

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes."

Huh? You're probably thinking something got lost in translation here... but the Associated Press corroborates the story.

So Jen McCreight of Blag Hag suggested immodest gals unite to test Sedighi's claim by sporting teeny tanks and plunging v-necks on April 26. What started as a joke went viral, attracting 14,000 attendees to the Facebook event and pushing "boobquake" to the top of Twitter's trending list.

Well, it's April 27... I think it's safe to say the earth survived. (You can find actual data here. Love it.)

Figures that I would miss the one occasion where I could proudly display my cleavage in the name of feminism and science. Guess I'll just have to continue to show it off in the old-fashioned name of vanity.

Double (D) Standard

According to Brandweek.com, ABC (and Fox) had a problem with a new Lane Bryant commercial that promotes their lingerie line. Apparently when attached to "plus-sized" women, rather than surgically enhanced broomsticks, ample cleavage is too racy for primetime.

What I find most ridiculous about the story is that ABC refused to air the spot during DANCING WITH THE STARS. If you're not familiar with the show, let me tell you, it is positively skanktastic. And this season Pamela Anderson is taking sex on the dancefloor to a whole new level. She looks like she wants to jump her partner AT ALL TIMES. And I think I saw her humping Kate Gosselin at the results show last night.

Although I did hear on some entertainment TV show yesterday that the show producers are making the effort to convince Pamela to wear underwear during live performances.



Ew.

But if ABC's weak attempt to cool off Pamela is tempting you to forgive the double standard they inflicted on Lane Bryant, allow me to share some photos from their "Sexy Dance Moments" gallery:



Seriously ABC, after you manage to whore out sweet little rejected bachelorette Melissa, you can no longer play the morality card. And I don't think there's a protecting-viewers-from-what-women-actually-look-like card.

Engagement marketing?

It started when I came back from a trip with my boyfriend to the Virgin Islands. With suggestive eyebrows working overtime, my most nosy co-worker asked me how it was, and if I had any news to share. Um, no...

Apparently he and my manager had a bet going on me coming back engaged. Engaged to be married, apparently. The thought had not occurred to me - I was just enjoying a lovely vacation. But then when my boyfriend told me he got similar questions at his work, I started to get agitated. Why weren't we engaged?? Wheels started spinning... on a crazy train headed toward my unsuspecting relationship.

Coincidentally, I did get a call from one of my college roommates while on the O'Hare runway with that very same news - she had just gotten engaged! When I was G-chatting with another roommate (who had been engaged for a few months) about my trip a couple days later, she politely asked how it was and then plunged right in: So, are you engaged too?? Um, no... What is wrong with you people? Must EVERYONE be engaged? And P.S. I would tell you, and probably not over G-chat.

THEN today I get this e-mail from a romantical fondue restaurant we went to a month or so ago:



WTF?? Well, maybe the message had something to do with me checking the "engagement" box as my reason for celebrating (and getting a coupon) when signing up for Geja's e-mail list. I thought it would be funny to mess with my boyfriend...

Dying Peasant

Since I started working full time, I've been trying to make sense of the insanity I experience five days a week -- the rambling conference calls, Frankenstein collaborations, undermining BCCs, patronizing training requirements, and on and on, and on. What is the point of all the seemingly institutionalized spinning of wheels? Wouldn't we all be more productive if we were treated like self-sufficient adults? But then last week, with the help of some Netflixed Michael Moore, I think I figured it out.

It's not a joke. Corporations have a vested interest in driving us crazy; they are consciously trying to suck our souls dry of any and all will to live. Well, maybe not all corporations -- just the ones that have "Dead Peasants" insurance. According to Moore's Capitalism: A Love Story and several other sources, these corporate-owned life insurance policies were originally created to protect companies from the financial loss and disruption they might experience with the death of a top executive (of course then they were called "key man" or "key person" insurance). Then some evil suit figured out how to manipulate the practice to profit (tax free!) off of lower-level employees, you know -- "peasants." And apparently, young females are lower risk and therefore higher profit than other demographics -- when dead. Eep. I better watch my back.