Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Resolving to relinquish my treadmill

When I walked into my packed gym at the rather early hour of 5:15 this evening, I was greeted by the smell of farts and resolutions... mmm... it must be January! It seems the wily resolvers have already learned to avoid peak hours. And I don’t think that’s even the most impressive part of their strategy, which appears to be twofold.

By suddenly plugging up their neighborhood exercise facilities, they're also softening up the regulars. So while resolvers are shedding pounds, gym members such as myself are waiting in lines when they’re normally switching cardio machines, fretting as their iPod batteries run out because they can’t get on any of the shmancy equipment with chargers, making peace with the fact that the Christmas cookie effect on their asses may in fact become a permanent reality. Wouldn’t surprise me if these resolvers are also buttering up their personal trainers with gifts of baked goods.

I knew this January was going to be bad when I went to the gym the Sunday after New Years and it was hard to find an open machine. During the Bears game! The man hogging my beloved recumbent bike was actually just sitting on it, watching TV. Maybe his resolution is to simply go to the gym, not actually use the equipment. Perhaps next year he’ll take the next step. Good for him.

So then on Monday when I had to stay late at work, I didn’t even bother going to the gym, assuming it would be too packed and exacerbate the effects of being caged in my cubicle past 5:00 sharp. Foiled by the resolvers again!

Well at this point I think I’ve just got to hand it to them – this ruthless New Year resolution strategy is pretty clever. So I look forward to waiting while you finish running, stretching or standing on your treadmills for the next three weeks, resolvers! And then I’ll see you again in 2011!


Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zip said...

HA! Farts and resolution! And don't forget the B.O. I hate January. I can't wait until the fly by night exercisers get bored. I thought the frigid temperatures would deter them a bit, but my gym is also jam-packed. Ick. I think in two weeks we'll be fine.

RenRexx said...

I'm sorry to be said resolver.
But I PROMISE to continue longer than 3 weeks.

Or you can give me hell if I don't.....


Zip said...

I already commented. But yesterday I had to wait in line for a treadmill at 6am. Usually, I have the pick of the litter and I was not happy. Sure, there were some available, but either it was the kind I hate or the TV was broken. I'm not running without my music videos. I'm ready to have my gym back now please.

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